Icha Icha Paradise Tsunade editon
by Teh Edo
Summary: Tsunade has convinced Jiraiya to let her write a book in the Icha Icha Paradise series, and now everyone has got their hands on it. After a few days, it starts circulating throughout the other villages, and general madness and romance ensues.
1. Prologue

**Title: Icha Icha Paradise; Tsunade edition**

**Summery: Tsunade has convinced Jiraiya to let her write a book in the Icha Icha Paradise series, and now everyone has got their hands on it. After a few days, it starts circulating throughout the other villages, and general madness and romance ensues.  
**

**Warnings: Homosexual, heterosexual et cetera relationships. I'll try and make it as real as possible XP Fair amounts of threatening, inappropriate thinking, and rude language.**

**Pairings: Only one-sided Kiba? Planned so far.**

**Disclaimer: No one in this story is mine. Just so you know. Mary-Sue isn't in this one, unfortunately.**

**Prologue**

Tsunade gazed across the desk, her fingertips placed together as she stared down the man on the opposite side. They'd been having this little competition for about five minutes now, but the Hokage knew she was starting to win.

Finally, Jiraiya broke and hung his head in shame, his shoulders slumped. "Fine…" he said dejectedly, "I'll let you."

Tsunade grinned widely, "Great. I should be done within the week. I have a lot of material built up." All this got her was an uncertain look, then a glare.

"I better not regret this. My reputation is on the line."

"Your reputation? I don't think having a reputation for being a pervert can get any worse, but don't worry. My book will sell just as well as your ones."

What was going on, you ask? Tsunade, having wanted a reason to ignore the liberal amounts of paperwork and bills on her desk, had thought up an excuse to keep from dealing with them, at least for the time being. She felt that Jiraiya's books were aimed towards men. Of course, ask anybody else, and they would agree. So, she'd called him there and made him a proposition.

He was to let her write a special volume of Icha Icha Paradise, meant, for the majority of it, for women, or he wouldn't walk out of there with all his teeth. He was stubborn, and held his ground, but Tsunade always won out in the end.

As he left, muttering about stubborn women and going under, she pulled a fresh notebook towards her and smirked. This might prove to be entertaining.

----

It was six days later and Tsunade had finally gotten the book to end just the way she wanted it too. Oh, she couldn't wait to see the look on Jiraiya's face when she read this. She leant back in her chair, waiting for him to arrive. Just as she was considering hunting him down, he walked through the door, looking bored. But, she could see the vein twitching in his temple, and she smirked broadly, leaning forward in her chair.

"It's done. Want to read it?"

"I have to, don't I? Though, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared of what you've written…"

Tsunade just gave him a would-be sweet smile and held it out to him. "Skip to chapter three, that's where the good stuff starts."

She watched him intently, watched as he thumbed his way to chapter three, and watched his eyes get wider and wider the more he read. Finally, he slammed in down, leaning over the desk so their faces were a few inches apart, and looking highly agitated.

"Tsunade! This…this is…two men, Tsunade!" He held the book up right in front of her nose, "I can't sell this! I'll be ruined!"

"What? You were going to act like YOU wrote it? Besides, that's what women want to read," Tsunade said, leaning back and waving a hand dismissively, "We had a deal, now you have to go through with it and sell that."

"And if I don't?"

"I'll throw you out the window."

"…Fair enough," Jiraiya huffed and straightened up, hiding the book within the folds of his shirt, and turning to leave. Tsunade looked thoroughly pleased.

"And don't even think of getting rid of it. I made copies."

Jiraiya winced, then sagged in a defeated manner, and left the room, heading off to get the damn thing printed, leaving Tsunade to bask in the aftermath of her creation. Not only was this incredibly entertaining, but it should bring in money by the bucket loads.

**-------**

**Well, wasn't that an interesting read, hm? The actual first chapter should be pretty quick. Maybe even today. Haha…Tsunade wrote porn. I'm amused. **

R&R isn't necessary, but it's nice nonetheless.


	2. Chapter 1

**Haha! Got it done in the same day x3 Whee. **

And holy crap, I got reviews O.o

**Blackxheart: XD I love the thought of Tsunade writing porn, the idea has been trying to get out for ages. And kudos to you for being the first reviewer. Yay. **

Jenanian: Of course she is x3. Everyone is a closet pervert. Except for the open perverts, but you get what I mean. And Kakashi's reaction is in this one, though it is short x3

**Emu: Nope, no beta. And there is boo-boos in all my stories, I'm sure x3 If you want to be my beta, I don't mind, and I'd appreciate it D**

**KatKat911: Yay! I did something original. I'm glad you enjoyed it.**

**Whitney: I love it when people say my stories are intriguing x3 I don't know why, but it pleases me immensely. Thank you.**

**Peter Kim: Orochimaru will definitely get his hands on it x3 But having him write one? Now that's an idea. I'll see what happens, then. It's after the Sasuke retrieval arc, and after what happened with Gaara –nods- So it is after what you're talking about, methinks? Also, Itachi? Oh my XD That I would enjoy doing. But, I would probably have to ask someone else to write it, can't write Itachi very well XP**

**And it begins**

Ino was browsing through the magazine stand, picking up and thumbing through a few of the books, before putting them back down again. As usual, she skimmed over those filthy 'Icha' books, but something caught her eye, and she turned back to them. This one looked a lot more…feminine, than usual. She picked up it and looked over the front cover.

"Come Come Paradise: Ladies edition."

Blinking, she opened it to a random page and read through it quickly. A grin split her face, and she carried it over to the counter, paid for it, then left again.

So Hokage-sama was getting in on the writing business, eh? She wasn't half-bad at it, either. Ino had the feeling she was going to enjoy this book.

As she made her way towards the flower shop, she ran into Shikamaru and Chouji, who were, much to her surprise _exiting_ a food joint. At this time of the day, they'd usually still be in there. She grinned again and hurried over to them, waving the book over her head.

"Look! Tsunade-sama wrote an Icha Icha Paradise book!"

She was met with a blank stare and a confused look, so she sighed exasperatedly, "You DO know what Icha Icha Paradise is, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Well, Tsunade wrote one. I think it's much better than usual."

"Let me see," Chouji took the book and let it flop open in his hands. He read a few lines, and promptly dropped it, "Ino! You could've warned me!"

Shikamaru was curious now; so he took his hand out of his pocket and bent down to pick up the book. He read it as well, and merely sighed before handing it back to Ino, "Troublesome woman…Why would you read that?"

"Because. Like it's any different to you boys reading the other books," Ino stuck out her tongue, "Us woman deserve a book like this as well."

"Ino! It's got two guys…you know what-ing."

"Don't be so immature, Chouji. It's perfectly normal."

"Actually, some people consider it deviant behavior."

"Well, those some people are idiots. Now, I'm going home to read this, see you guys later."

She waved over her shoulder, leaving her teammates either sighing, or staring at her in a shocked manner. "I think I'm traumatized."

"You'll get over it. Ramen stand next, then?"

Of course, Chouji agreed, so that's where they went. As they sat and ate (or in Shikamaru's case, watched Chouji eat), they tried their hardest to keep from talking about the book. But their efforts were futile, and it kept getting brought up.

"Y'know, Tsunade's not that bad of a writer. I don't want to read it though, that stuffs way too weird for me. I'll stick with girls."

"What're you talking about?"

They both turned to see Kiba standing there, his hands in his pockets and the now-grown Akamaru beside him, his tail wagging lazily from side to side at the sight of two familiar faces.

"New Icha book."

"Oh. I don't read it," Kiba sat down next to Shikamaru, who eyed him with vague interest, before turning forward again, "Tsunade wrote it this time. Chouji's says she's an ok writer."

"Oh? Have you got it on you?" Kiba asked, his interest perked by the though of the Hokage writing something. That was definitely new.

"No. Ino's got one, or you could just go read on from the magazine place."

"Ok, thanks," Kiba got up again, having only been seated for a moment or two. He wanted to see what this was all about. "Bye."

He hopped onto Akamaru's back, and the do set off at a run down the street. Travel had become a lot swifter since he'd grown from a pup. Not that Kiba noticed, having been with him all the time.

"There it is." Kiba said when they reached their destination, climbing off and glancing around awkwardly, before walking up to the rack. After all, he'd never bought one of these books before. Even though he wasn't buying, it was still a little embarrassing. He picked up the pink book, and flipped open the cover. After about five minutes of reading, he finally caught on and his face turned a red that could rival Hinata's.

Looking a porn was bad enough. But looking at this…the sort of porn he enjoyed, though secretly, was just…well, he didn't know, really. He put it back quickly, fumbling to keep it from falling and took a few hurried steps back.

"Ah…Chouji was right, she is a good writer."

He ran both hands through his hair, pushing it away from his face then turning to Akamaru, who was giving in a concerned look. The dog barked, nudging at Kiba's side.

"O-Oh, it's nothing…Come on. Let's go, we were supposed to meet up with Shino and Hinata, remember?"

"Hm." Kakashi watched Kiba leave with an intrigued expression on what was visible of his face, "First time reading it, then." He smiled and closed the distance between him and what he'd been waiting for for three whole days. He was dying to know what happened. His smile faded as he got closer though, and saw the cover. It completely disappeared when he saw what it read.

But it wasn't until he actually opened the book that his world started crashing down around him.

----

Jiraiya lifted his cup carefully, frowning lightly. Tsunade's book had been released that morning, and he'd yet to hear anything bad about it. That was good, but he was still worried. It was, after all, only lunchtime.

"GAH!"

Jiraiya jumped and spilt his drink all over himself, then blinked and looked up to see who had slammed his table with such force that it cracked down the middle. There stood Kakashi, looking disheveled, and almost downright insane. In one hand, he had Tsunade's book, and Jiraiya edged back a bit, keeping a safe distance between him in the copy ninja.

"How could you! What is this? How could you let this HAPPEN?"

Jiraiya tried to calm the younger man down, but it was useless.

"It was getting so good! I need to know what happens, and you let them print this instead? It has nothing to do with the story line!"

"Kakashi, please…we're in a restaurant."

Indeed, they were, and the other customers were staring at them with wide eyes and open mouths. Kakashi didn't seem to care as he glared at Jiraiya, his one visible eye twitching.

"How does this sound? I'll give you something that isn't supposed to be released until next month, to tide you over, all right? I had to do it, Kakashi, she bullied me into it."

There was a long moment of silence. The offer was obviously a good one, but still! This was blasphemy to the Icha series! Not because it was gay porn, but because it was out of context! It threw the entire series out of whack! But when Jiraiya held out an illustrated special, Kakashi broke and took it. But he couldn't help himself from giving the hermit one last glare before leaving in a huff.

Once outside, he was perfectly happy again, the book open in front of him as he headed back towards…wherever he went when he had nothing to do.

"Aha! My eternal rival!"

Kakashi sighed, an exasperated look slipping onto his face. Why? Why always when he was trying to read?

"Yo."

Kakashi stopped walking, but didn't turn, and didn't stop reading. He would NOT stop reading, not when he'd only just started. He was expecting a challenge, but instead Gai's favorite student spoke up first.

"That book looks different to your usual one."

"Hm?" Kakashi looked up, blinking at Lee, then smiling and shutting the book, though inwardly he was ranting and raving at the inevitable interruption, "It's not the usual one, that's why. The one I was in the middle of reading won't be coming out until next week."

"Oh…"

Behind the boy, someone giggled, and he blinked and turned to see who it was. It was TenTen, which wasn't very surprising, but add the fact that she had her nose buried in a book, and Rock Lee got pretty damn confused. She almost never read when they were out and about.

"What are you reading, TenTen?" Gai and Lee were too busy watching the girl to notice Kakashi slip off to enjoy his visual entertainment.

"Huh? Oh," She grinned and looked at them innocently, "Icha Icha Paradise."

They were both shocked, to say the least. More than once, they'd heard her go off about how sick and degrading to women those books were, but there she was reading one and _giggling_ about it.

"…TenTen?"

"Yes, Gai-sensei?"

Gai hesitated then decided it was better not to ask, "Let's go! Neji is waiting. To the training grounds!"

"Yosh!"

Both of them jogged off, leaving TenTen to walk behind them at a normal pace, with the book open once more. This was really good, she was going have to go and tell Tsunade to keep writing.

-----

**And everything moves so fast you barely see it O.o I think some of the sentences don't run together too well either XP **

Anyway, had to hurry with the last part, being kicked off. Enjoy, lovelys.


	3. Chapter 2

**Thanks to all the reviewers . Usually I'd answer everyone individually, but that'll add a lot more reading before you actually get to the story x3 So, thank you everyone, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside to read them D Especially when I get cookies from 'em. Keep them comin'.**

**And thanks, Emu I'm sure you'll find some mistakes too x3 I think I may have, even. And that last section was done just for Death's-Captive. Enjoy.**

**The joys of siblings, and overly curious teammates**

"Kiba, what took you so long?"

Kiba looked at Shino and glared, his cheeks flaring red again at the memory of what he'd read. He'd been unfortunate enough to open the book up halfway through chapter three, so he got a pretty good idea of what was going on in the story.

"None of your business. Now, are we going to train, or what?"

Hinata nodded, then waited until Shino moved aside, before taking her stance. Unfortunately, this caused an all-too-familiar book to fall out of her jacket, and her face went even redder than usual as all three of them stared at it.

"You BOUGHT that?" Kiba asked, shocked.

Hinata just stuttered incoherently, pressing her fingers together, then started to form a proper sentence, "I-In all fairness, K-Kiba….I'm a teenage girl too…"

"Ugh!" Kiba covered his ears and shook his head rapidly, "That's gross, Hinata!"

Shino just sighed and pushed his glasses further up his nose; stepping forward to pick up the book and see what they were making a big fuss out of, "Calm down, Kiba. I'm sure it's not-" He trailed off, staring at the cover, which clearly read 'Icha Icha Paradise'. "Hinata…you're reading porn?"

Hinata hid her face in her hands, "I know!" She hesitated for a moment then stuttered out a rushed, "I-I just remembered…I have to go!"

The two watched her run off faster than she'd ever gone before, even after they'd found one of her love notes to Naruto, "That was fairly awkward."

Kiba glared at Shino, one eyebrow raised, "Hinata was reading PORN, Shino. That's not 'fairly awkward', it's downright disturbing."

"You're overreacting. Surely you read porn too."

"No! And I have a hard time believing you do, either!"

Shino just pushed his glasses up again and headed in the direction Hinata had gone, leaving Kiba to promptly have a meltdown at the thought of Shino, of all people, reading porn. It wasn't until he'd stopped freaking out that he realized Shino had dropped the book on the ground again.

He shouldn't, he knew that. What if someone caught him with it? What if his MOTHER caught him with it? She'd beat him. But he bent down and picked it up. After all, he was a teenage boy, and if Hinata could carry it around with her, he could read it without getting embarrassed. In a flash it was hidden somewhere on his person, and he hopped onto Akamaru's back.

"Let's go home, Akamaru."

They headed in the direction of their home, passing three inconspicuous people who were heading further into Konoha.

"Wasn't that the Inuzuka boy?"

"Yeah."

"He looked a bit embarrassed, didn't he?"

"Why would I notice something like that?"

The third person just remained silent, eyes on the ground and his arms crossed over his chest. Why had he insisted on coming again? Traveling with these two was such a pain in the ass.

"Come on, let's go. I'm hungry."

-----

Not long after, Kiba was in his room, curled up on his bed with the book open in front of him. He had been wrong, he wasn't able to read it without being embarrassed, despite no one being around. He'd never even glanced at something like this before, simply having not been interested. It was somewhat awkward, truth-be-told, but so far there hadn't been anything TOO graphic.

Which was probably why he didn't put it down, a part of him wanted to get to that stuff.

"Kiba!"

He jumped and quickly hid the book under his mattress, and straightened up just as his sister stepped into the room, giving him an odd look, "Are you alright? It smells strange in here."

"Fine."

"Ok…Well, I'm going out, so you'll be here alone."

"Ok. See you."

"Bye."

The door shut, and he groaned. Oh, he couldn't start reading it again! It had taken him the better part of fifteen minutes just to open the front cover when he'd gotten here. Sighing, he reached under the bed and pulled it out, sliding it into his jacket. Couldn't risk his mother finding it, he knew she searched his room at least once a week for things like this.

That was why he'd stopped keeping a diary. Not that he'd admit to anyone that he kept one in the first place.

He stepped out of his room and called for Akamaru, heading towards the front door, "Come on, we're going out again." He opened the door, and blinked when he saw Akamaru was already out there, "She locked you out again, huh?"

Akamaru whined, and Kiba laughed, rubbing his head, "You should've barked or something, so I could let you in."

The dog just wagged his tail, and they set off, walking next to each other for a change. No need to rush. Maybe a nice, relaxing walk was just what Kiba needed to regain his composure and keep reading. He was a bit curious as to what would happen, after all. He understood now how Kakashi became addicted.

He blinked when he noticed Akamaru staring at him, "What is it?"

Akamaru barked, and Kiba rubbed the back of his neck, "You think I smell strange too?" he sniffed his arm, but didn't notice anything, "What do I smell like? Maybe I sat in something."

Akamaru gave another, shorter bark, and Kiba flushed, "Oh…right. That book I was reading is kinda…yeah. It's a human thing. You wouldn't get it. _I_ don't really get it…"

There was a long silence, in which Akamaru just watched him, just knowing there was something else Kiba wanted to say, by the way he bit the inside of his lips, frowned, and puffed his cheeks out slightly. Finally, his human couldn't hold it in and Kiba sighed, looking back at Akamaru.

"And I don't get why I kept thinking about HIM either. I mean, of all people! Sure, we got along, but c'mon! And he stayed with us for a bit, but-"

Akamaru barked, and Kiba gave him a pouty glare, "I did not smell the same then…" All Akamaru did was give him a look, and Kiba sighed, "Did I really?" The dog gave an affirmative whine, and Kiba groaned lightly, running his fingers through his hair.

"Well…he DOES smell really good…Oh, man. This is too much for one day…"

------

"What are you reading?"

Temari looked up from the pink book she'd picked up while her brother's were getting their food, and smirked, holding it up for Kankurou to see. Kankurou pulled a face, then laughed.

"I guess the writer sold out."

"Guess so. It's much better now," Temari said, nodding and going back to it.

"Let me guess. Gay porn?"

"Yep."

"Of course," Kankurou picked at his food, shaking his head, and glancing at Gaara, who was gazing absent-mindedly at some point off to the side. He didn't ask. It wasn't like it was much different to how he usually acted. Well, since Shukaku was removed, at least.

A lot of things had changed since then. One, this staring and thinking. Two, he slept a lot. And when he said a lot, he meant the majority of the day. Which was a bit of a problem, because he was a heavy sleeper, and when they needed him, it took a lot to wake him up. Kankurou had perfected it, though.

Ok, all you really needed was a bucket of water, but in all fairness, he was the only one willing to dump it on his little brother.

It seemed to click in the red head just what they'd been talking about, and he turned to frown at Temari, "What are you reading?" he asked, sounding a bit shocked.

"Gay porn."

Gaara frowned. He never really understood the whole idea of 'porn'. What purpose did it serve? He'd taken a look at his brother's way back when, and honestly found nothing interesting. He was actually pretty confused by it all.

"By that, you mean porn with two men as opposed to a man and a woman?"

They both looked at him with raised eyebrows, and he just stared back. Was it so hard for them to answer his questions? Even if it was more like something Naruto would ask? He'd remained oblivious to sex and everything about it up until recently.

"Yes, then?"

Temari nodded, then smirked and handed him the open book, "See?"

"Temari! Don't give him that!"

"Why not? You read it?"

"I'm older than he is."

Gaara gave him an annoyed look, and read it anyway. Again, he was confused, tilting his head to the side as if that would cause the words to make more sense. "But…where? How does that work?"

"Up the flush pipe, little brother."

"The…what?"

Temari groaned and pushed her hair out of her face, "Remember what I told you about sex questions."

"Yes. Ask Kankurou."

"Oh, so that's why he keeps coming to me with awkward questions?"

"Kankurou. Flush pipe, explain it to me."

"It's your ass, Gaara," Kankurou said, giving Temari a pointed glare, then huffing and turning to Gaara, "I can't put it any simpler than that."

"Wouldn't that hurt?"

"Yes," Temari stared at Kankurou, as did Gaara, and he coughed lightly, "I'd imagine."

"You and I will be talking later…Gaara, he's right though, there's no simpler way to put it than what he said."

"I get it now…I think," But now he was more curious about something else, "Are you gay?"

"No! I was just…curious. Shut up, and eat your food, I'm going to take a look at some stores." Kankurou glared and stood up, pulling his puppet onto his shoulders and stalking off, leaving Gaara even more confused, and Temari with a evil smirk on her face.

"Curious my ass. Anything else you want to know, Gaara, or can I have my book back?"

"I want to read it."

"I don't think so," Temari said, snickering and snatching it back, "Like the fairy said, you're too young."

"…fairy?"

"Never mind," Temari rolled her eyes and settled back, opening the book again, but it was plucked out of her hands by Gaara's sand and she stared at where it had been, sighing in a frustrated manner, "You wanna read it THAT badly?"

"Yes."

"Fine, read it. But I want it back later, I want to see what happens."

"The same thing that happens in all porn. They'll have sex."

Temari rolled her eyes again and stood up, "I'm going to go find your brother."

Gaara glared at her and grumbled, "Why when he acts strange is he MY brother?"

Temari just smiled, waved, turned, and walked off, leaving her youngest brother to ponder just why he got stuck with Kankurou when he either did something stupid, or did something strange, and was also left to wonder how one could be 'curious' about these sorts of things.

He definitely wasn't.

Really.

Sure, him wanting to read this book may point to the contrary, but he just wanted to figure out the dynamics of it, that's all.

He was a bad liar wasn't he? He couldn't even lie to himself. He was curious, very much so. But not like Kankurou was. Definitely not. THAT he wouldn't admit to.

But he just did, didn't he?

-----

Neji stared long and hard at the pink cover of the new Icha book, glaring and leaning forward slightly. He wanted so badly to activate his Byukagan, and see what it was without having to peek over TenTen's shoulder. He had a reputation to uphold after-all.

He sighed silently and was about to give in and do it when a loud shout cause both him, and the girl across from him to look up sharply.

"Guess who I just saw." Lee said, grinning widely and giving them the thumbs up.

Neji gave him an odd look, but decided to humor him, "Who?"

"Gaara's siblings."

Ok, and this was important HOW exactly? Neji sighed, "They come here a lot, Lee…"

"Actually, only Temari comes here a lot," Lee stated matter-of-factly, "And seeing them both here must mean that Gaara is here as well. I must go thank him again for saving me."

TenTen giggled and leant back in her chair, "Why are you telling us? Just go."

"Yosh!" And Lee was out of there in a green blur, leaving Neji to rub the bridge of his nose, "Have I ever said how strange that guy is?"

"Many, many times," TenTen replied, lifting her book again and once more getting lost in her oblivious world of smut.

And now was Neji's chance to see just what had his teammate so enthralled. He shut his eyes for a moment, and activated his Byukagan, staring through the front cover at…at…

He seemed to have turned to stone, blanching and staring with a shock, and disturbed glare on his face, his teeth gritted. After a moment, he unfroze and recoiled, holding his arms up, and bending a leg as if to shield himself from some powerful attack. And he was doing all this silently, trying not to attract the girl's attention.

And in all this, he hadn't thought to deactivate his bloodline, so he kept seeing those words, and picturing the scene in his head, and oh Gods above! His mouth opened in a silent cry of anguish as he kicked his legs a bit and covered his eyes, shaking his head frantically. Not that it helped do anything but make him dizzy.

That was gross! Just…how could she read that!

Finally, a tiny bit of common sense returned, and his eyes went back to normal, but he still continued to have a silent freak out on the chair he was sitting in, before he finally calmed down enough to stand up, stare at some point above TenTen's head, and exclaim in an overly-loud manner that he needed some fresh air, and went outside to finish up his nervous breakdown.

TenTen didn't bother to look up, but if she did, she'd see out the large bay window, and catch sight of Neji stomping his feet and clutching at his head. She heard his incoherent and muffled shouts, but paid them no mind. Lee had probably just come back and annoyed him somehow. Not her problem.

She didn't see as the poor boy finally fainted, and turned her page, giggling and covering her mouth. Oh, now who was THIS new, mysterious character?

-------------------------------------------------------------

**That was longer than I intended XP Got a bit carried away, sorry.**

**I'm running out of ideas of who to have read it though XP May have to leave Konoha soon. Oh no!**

**Line thing STILL not working XP**

**R&R**


	4. Chapter 3

**I can't answer all of you, but going over all the unanswered reviews, I have to say I'm feeling so damn loved right now. Thank you all so much for sticking with me, and I'm so sorry it took this long to get this out. School started, but I've gotten back into the swing of things again. This is short, because it's getting late. **

Ok, people want Orochimaru to read it. I promise, PROMISE that he will read it within the next two or three chapters. Promise. Which means, due to association, so will Sasuke. And what with Sakura being under Tsunade, she will read it soon too. This thing will spread like an illness, trust me. Even those characters you never thought would make an appearance, will. Some of them, anyway.

**Naruto it a bit…spastic in this. He's been…hanging out with Lee? Maybe? Or he had too much coffee that morning.

* * *

**

**Gatherings and Questions**

Kiba's face was bright red, and the Icha book was, once again, open in front of him. Akamaru was napping on the other side of the tree they were sitting under, and only then was Kiba able to open it without thinking Akamaru would know what was going on in his head.

The feelings, and the thoughts, weren't new. But seeing it written out like this, in black and white, was incredibly embarrassing. But he was learning, if that could be considered any sort of defense. For instance, he didn't know human beings were capable of THAT. Especially men, seeing as they had something connected to that particular area. Maybe it was just literary flare, and it would actually hurt like hell.

He didn't care, it was hot.

He gasped, reading over that last sentence again, his ears changing color to match the rest of his face. The vast contrast between how dominating the older of the two was, compared to how submissive the younger acted was really starting to get to him.

Wait, was he ASSESSING what was going on? How strange…

He didn't dwell on it for long as he paused in his reading, his mind running off into it's perverted fantasy world. He could see himself as that younger boy. On his hands and knees, pleading and scared so badly it was pleasurable. He screeched in an undignified fashion as a whiskered, frowning face popped up in front of him.

"Gah! Naruto!"

The blond grinned, and sat down directly in front of Kiba, waving a bit. "Hey! You looked kind of out of it. You ok?"

Kiba blinked, then remembered his short-lived fantasy and flushed, his gaze diverting to his left as he rubbed at his arm, shrugging and chuckling weakly, "Sure. Fine."

"What's this?"

Kiba blinked and looked up to see the other holding up the pink book he'd dropped in his surprise, and a horrified look crept onto his face. He made a grab for it, but Naruto fell back, using his foot, which was placed strategically under Kiba's chin, to keep him back as he opened it to a random page.

His eyes skimmed over the first few lines, then his face mirrored Kiba's traumatized expression. They sat there for a long moment, frozen in place as a gust of wind whistled past. Then everything started playing again and Naruto screeched, throwing the book at Kiba, hitting him square in the face.

"You're worse than the Pervert Hermit!"

Kiba spluttered, fumbling to get the book out of view, then he glared, his face adopting a look of indignation, "Maybe now you'll know better than to look through other people's things!"

Naruto let out a string of accusations, most of which involved Kiba being a gay pervert, shaking his fist comically at Kiba, who was slapping at him in a weak attempt to get him to shut up. When Naruto caught sight of the Inuzuka's dismayed face, though, he fell silent, choosing to look both bewildered and disgusted.

Then it switched to one of understanding, and he grinned again, rubbing the back of his neck. "So…curious?"

"…Yeah."

Naruto nodded, and they both fell silent again. But this time it was an awkward, somewhat stiff silence. Kiba cleared his throat, jumping as Akamaru sat next to him. Apparently they'd woken him up. "So…uh…You know, Tsunade wrote this?"

Naruto blinked, looking up from his frowned, looking shocked, "What? Really?"

"Yeah…she's not bad."

"I guess…"

The silence settled in, but this time it was interrupted as Lee made his appearance. He jogged up to them, then stopped, jogging on the spot as he waved, beaming. Naruto looked up, shielding his eyes, and grinned back.

"Good afternoon!"

"Hey Lee."

Lee turned, still jogging, and waved to someone behind him. The two peered around his legs, to see an indistinguishable figure on the other side of the field.

"Come on, Gaara! Naruto and Kiba are here!"

Naruto looked surprised, and Kiba squinted to get a better look, rubbing at the ear closest to the exuberant, green-clad ninja. As the other approached, it was obvious, from the shock of red hair and piercing green eyes, that it was indeed Gaara of the Desert. As he as within talking distance, Lee stopped jogging and put his hands on his hips.

"I thought you said you could jog?"

"I said I could, I never said I would," Gaara muttered distractedly. He had his nose buried in a bright, pink book that Naruto and Kiba were all too familiar with. Naruto's jaw dropped, and his surprised look was mingled with horror and anger.

Before either of them could say anything, though, Lee spoke up, too curious for his own good. "What's that, Gaara?"

"Gay porn."

For the third time, the area was dead silent as Gaara turned the page, completely unphased by what he'd just said. This silence dragged on for an unbearably long time, until Gaara sighed and snapped the book shut.

"Lee, you haven't shut up since I ran into you, why are you so quiet now? It's slightly concerning."

"You…Gaara…you're reading porn. GAY porn…"

"What's your point?"

Lee blinked, bit his lip then started weeping happily. His arm sprung, his upright thumb three centimeters from Gaara's nose, "I'm so happy that you're so comfortable with your sexuality! This is truly the power of youth at work!"

Gaara stared at him, and Kiba continued to gape dumbly at the kazekage. Naruto, however, wasn't going to stand for this.

"He's not gay, Bushy Brow! You don't say stuff like that to the Kazekage! He's just curious, right Gaara?"

"Yes, actually. But it is rather enjoyable," Gaara said, raising the book again, but Naruto snatched it away.

"No! I will not let this book corrupt anymore people! It turned Kiba gay, and now it's doing the same to Gaara!"

Lee looked shocked, but Kiba and Gaara looked nothing short of annoyed. Lee moved to peek at the cover of the book, then up at Naruto's face, frowning, "Is this true?"

"Yes!"

"You're overreacting," Gaara took the book back from a hyperventilating Naruto, shaking his head and tucking it away for the blonde's convenience. "Though I'm confused…"

"What about?" came a voice, obviously took deep to belong to any of them. The looked up to see Kankurou striding towards them, one eye shut lazily and a grin on his face. Naruto and Lee waved, Gaara turned to face him, and Kiba froze to the spot, twitching and turning a vibrant shade of red.

"About something in Temari's book. You'll probably know what it is." Kankurou glared, but Gaara went on, "What's a blowjob?"

----------

Tsunade sat in her office, grinning and tapping her pen on the table as she read over the first days ratings on her book. They were good. Very good. She, personally, had seen a total of eleven people openly reading the book. She'd seen seven who were trying to do it in secret (don't ask how, the authorities will be dragged in again), and according to this, one hundred and eighteen OTHER people had bought it as well.

The publishers wanted to expand and sell it in other villages. She jotted down her agreement, and laughed out loud, scaring Shizune, who had just come into the room. Tsunade smirked, placing her fingertips together and gazing over them at the other woman, looking pleased with herself.

"…Your book is going well, then?"

Tsunade laughed again, leaning back in her chair and nodding, "Who knew the writing game could be so fun? I can't wait to see Jiraiya again, that'll be the most fun of all. My book is going to be sold in four other villages."

Shizune wasn't so sure that was a good thing. She blinked when Tsunade peered at her, her eyes narrowed, "…what?"

"Have YOU read it?"

"I…well…no. Not yet."

She gasped and caught the book that bounced off her chest, and looked up to see Tsunade looking expectant. She sighed, and moved to find a place to sit, flipping the book open. This was going to be a very, very long day.

* * *

**-stretches- Now to work on other stories.**


	5. Chapter 4

* * *

**New and interesting knowledge**

Naruto, Lee, Kiba and Gaara sat in a half circle around a very disgruntled Kankurou, who was bright red and explaining every little sex question they had. They were fifteen, how did they not know these things?

"And yeah…that's what people mean by 69."

"Wow…."

"Kinda weird."

Kankurou ran his fingers through his hair, having discarded his hat during the discussion on anal beads, "Is that all?"

Gaara shook his head, and flipped the book open. He skimmed through the pages, then found what he wanted, "What is S&M?"

The puppeteer groaned, rubbing his temples. He was about to speak up, when he was saved by a pink haired girl carrying a bag of groceries.

"Hey! What're you all doing?"

Naruto straightened up, grinning widely, "We were just explaining to them was 69 means." He was smacked upside the head by Kiba, Kankurou and Gaara, and Sakura giggled, a light blush on her face now.

"Now, why would you want to know that?"

"It was in Gaara's book."

Sakura frowned, giving Gaara a curious look. He held up the book and she sighed, shaking her head, "That's the one Tsunade wrote, isn't it?" she said, looking a little exasperated. She giggled though, looking at Kankurou, who was tugging his hat back onto his head, "You want me to take these kids off your hand?"

"Please, in the name of all that is holy…"

Sakura laughed, then looked to them, "I need help carrying some books home from the library. Can you guys lend a hand?"

Naruto and Lee jumped up and started shouting out their offers to help her. She smiled and nodded to them both, and Lee took Gaara's hand and pulled him up as he and Naruto marched off after Sakura. Gaara just sighed and trotted after the green-clad boy.

Kiba watched them go, them cleared his throat and looked to Kankurou, who ran his hands over his face and started laughing, "That was the most awkward thing I've ever had to go through."

"Sorry."

Kankurou just chuckled and let his hands fall into his lap, watching Kiba. They were quiet for a long few moments, then Kiba cleared his throat again and shifted until he was comfortable, "So…you wanna go grab something to eat?"

"Sure," Kankurou got up, then held out a hand for Kiba. The other boy took it and pulled himself up, holding on a few seconds longer than necessary, then letting go quickly, coughing awkwardly.

"Where to? After sitting that close to Naruto for so long, I've gotten a craving for ramen."

Kankurou snorted and gave him an odd look, "How does that work?"

"He smells of it."

This caused Kankurou to laugh in a strange way, almost like he was choking on it, which in turn, caused Kiba to start snickering, "You alright there?"

"Shut up, man," Kankurou said, smirking and pushing Kiba's shoulder. He bit back another laugh as Kiba tripped and rolled a short way down the slight hill, "Nice one."

"Hey! Hush up!"

Kankurou chuckled and jogged to where Kiba was standing up, tugging on his arm to 'help', then dragging him off to the ramen stand.

---------------

"Orochimaru-sama."

"Kabuto-kun?"

"I found this outside," Kabuto held out the obnoxiously pink book, pushing his glasses further up his nose, trying not to wince at the bright cover.

Orochimaru took it, leaning back in his chair and scanning the front cover with interest, "Icha Icha Paradise? Hm…" frowning curiously when he saw Tsunade's name at the bottom, he flipped it open and started reading, one hand touching his lower lip curiously. Kabuto was left to peek over his shoulder curiously, however rude it was. He wanted to know what it was.

It was until the third paragraph, on the second page that it became apparent what the book was about, and Kabuto's eyebrow twitched, and he took a step back. Right…Orochimaru, however, was intrigued. He didn't know Tsunade had the capability to write anything, especially a novel. And so far, it proved to be rather interesting, a nice change from what he'd seen in Jiraiya's books. Iow, an equal balance of plot and intercourse. Or, almost equal.

Yet still very descriptive. That woman was obviously pent up.

"How much more time do I have to myself, Kabuto-kun?"

Kabuto cleared his throat, and slightly disturbed look on his face, "Well…not long, really."

"Make more time."

"But, Orochimaru-sama…"

Orochimaru started humming softly, and Kabuto sighed. He was SO sure Sasuke would appreciate THIS. He turned and left, thankfully missing Orochimaru chortling at a particularly dirty line. Yes…Tsunade was definitely pent up.

"You're telling me, Orochimaru has decided a pornographic novel, is more important than training me?"

"So it would seem, yes."

Just as Kabuto predicted, Sasuke was not in the slightly bit pleased by this. In fact, he had a look on his face that Kabuto had come to associate with something akin to rage. Not that Sasuke showed it to terribly often, over the past couple of years.

"I hope his not to busy to talk," Sasuke said stiffly, getting up off his seat and heading out of the room, leaving Kabuto to sigh, and fidget with his glasses. He knew he should have left that book where he'd found it, why did he not listen to his senses?

"Orochimaru," Sasuke said, in quite the demanding voice, as he made his way over to the man. He couldn't help but glance at the book as he neared him, even seeing the name of the Hokage printed proudly on the front. This caused him to stop dead in his tracks and stare. "What…are you doing?"

"I'm reading, Sasuke-kun. It's quite an interesting book."

"I'll bet it is," Sasuke frowned, one hand going on his hip, "You are aware we had prior arrangements, aren't you?"

"You deserve a break, Sasuke."

Sasuke damn near twitched as that, taking another few steps forward, "If I wanted a break, I'd ask for one!" Not that he ever would. In a quest for power, there simply is no such thing as a 'break.'

"Then perhaps I could use one," Orochimaru said, glancing up from the book, "But I have somewhere to be," he said, standing up, and memorizing the page number. He handed the book to a livid Sasuke as he passed him, "Read it, it's good."

Sasuke turned, to glare at the man as he disappeared, then looked down at the book, his frown deepening. "Icha Icha Paradise…Kakashi reads these," he muttered to himself, but didn't allow himself to get too nostalgic, as curiosity got the better of him, and he opened it.

Not long after, the young Uchiha found himself at a desk, with the book open to his left, and paper in front of him, as he wrote quickly. This book was good, though perhaps not in the entertaining sense. It had good tips. On things we really don't need to share at this moment. He was hoping to get as much down as he could, and get the book back to the chair Orochimaru had been in, so it looked like he hadn't even opened it. Last thing he needed was this sort of thing sullying his name, on top of abandoning his village, and whatever else could be pinned on him.

"Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke quickly snapped the book shut and hid it, before standing, and going out to where Orochimaru's voice had come from, "What is it?"

"Do you have my book?"

"I left it on your chair," without anything further, it was his turn to move past Orochimaru, and leave. This new knowledge called for a quick sneak call-in on Konoha…

* * *

**But we'll find out for sure next chapter.**


End file.
